I think it's about time that someone told Intel that their codename for their new Pentium 4 processors is not going to play well in the UK. They obviously don't know the John 'Two Jags' Prescott that we all admire so much, or they wouldn't be burdening their technologically advanced, ground-breaking new chips with the name of someone who eats his with brown sauce and a pie.

Actually, you can tell a lot about a company by the codenames it chooses. When I think of Apple, I think of Jaguar, Panther and Tiger: sleek, fast, efficient creatures. And then there's Microsoft's Longhorn: a breed of cattle.

I rest my case.