Now that summer seems to be a-coming in, midges and mosquitos are breeding like -- well -- flies. My morning ride is fine because it's fairly early and the midges don't seem to be swarming, but on the ride home, I have to wear sunglasses to avoid getting midges in my eyes every few minutes. I don't mind getting a bug-splattered face, but flies in the eye hurt.

There's one particular stretch by the river which is particularly infested. I was behind a little boy who was on a bike with training wheels in 'Midge Alley'. He started flapping one arm around his head, while continuing to pedal at his top speed, and I knew exactly what he was doing. His arm-whirling got more and more frantic, until he hurled himself off his bike, thrashing the air around his head as if he was being assailed by invisible bees.

It was like watching some kind of pocket, low-budget action film. Like 'Speed' our hero has to keep his pedalling speed above 10 mph, or he will be devoured alive by midges! May contain scenes of Mild Peril.