Here are a few photographic tips for you:

1. When you put your trousers in the wash, check the pockets for 35 mm film canisters that you meant to drop off at the photo processors on your way through town. Vigourous agitation in a detergent solution at 40°C does not suit colour film — who would have guessed?
2. When you forget about Tip 1 and you go to pick up the photographs after having experimentally submitted them for processing, do remember to run away when the assistant tells you that the film couldn't be processed because it was wet for some reason, and also smelled of summer meadows. Under no circumstances should you hang around and try to explain why, because you'll just end up sounding stupid or crazy or both.
3. When you realise too late that you should have followed Tip 2, do remember to pay for that sandwich you're holding before you make a hasty exit, blushing deeply. Otherwise you'll look like a stupid, crazy shoplifter.