Making geese nervous
I’ve got a secret liking for Heston Blumenthal’s ‘In Search of Perfection’ cookery show on TV. On the one hand, I’m somewhat appalled by his sheer profligacy with energy and ingredients in order to produce a very small quantity of fancy food. On the other hand, it’s hard not to be drawn in by his enthusiasm, and by his scientific approach to creating what he regards as the perfect dish.
Given the season, it was inevitable that this week’s programme was about creating the perfect Christmas meal. While most people feel pretty daring if they try cooking a goose for Christmas dinner, rather than the staid old turkey, Heston — as usual — took culinary daring to a new level. He was determined to have a first course (after the wafer that smelt of babies) containing gold, frankincense and myrrh, stubbornly refusing to accept (until the last minute) that myrrh actually tastes pretty awful, and is bitter as hell. Obviously he doesn’t pay attention to the lyrics of Christmas carols. He reluctantly admitted defeat on that one, and whittled the myrrh twigs into teaspoons to stir the frankincense tea with, but you could tell that he felt it was cheating.
Each of his dishes seems to take about a week to complete, in 43 easy steps, some of which require vacuum pumps, liquid nitrogen or an edible, heat-proof gel that sounds distinctly unappetising. He must have a carbon footprint the size of China: he travelled to Siberia (which, incidentally, looked absolutely ravishing) for 2 pints of reindeer milk to make into ice cream, and many of the 43 easy steps for each dish seem to require boiling something for 5 hours.
The funniest part (though not for the geese involved, I’m sure) was his attempt to raise geese in a calm, stress-free environment, feeding them on pine needle-laced food to impart a Christmassy flavour to the meat. I’m sure he’s right that meat from calm, unstressed animals tastes better, but I’m not so sure that chasing two geese around a field, holding them in a very awkward and unpractised manner, and then isolating them in an unfamiliar stable away from all their mates is the best way to produce a serene Anserine environment. When Heston 1 placed the goose in a very flimsy enclosure within the stable, it evidently presciently decided that Something Was Terribly Wrong, and immediately bust out of the enclosure to make a break for the safety of the field and its flock mates.
1 For some reason, he held his goose gingerly away from his body as if it was an unexploded bomb. ↑
1
A goose in need of relief is indeed an unexploded bomb.....................
by Jonathan Briggs @ 22/12/2007 7:19 pm • Permalink •
2
'Anserine.' Had to look that one up.
by Lighty @ 23/12/2007 3:08 am • Permalink •
3
So did I, but now that the cat is out of the bag so to speak, expect to see it soon in some television advertisement for a rejuvenating face cream.
"Anserin - Because you're worth it"
We've had pentapeptides, now, courtesy of Bsag, we have Dipeptides, anti-oxidants which make your smile last longer................
by Jonathan Briggs @ 23/12/2007 11:28 am • Permalink •
4
OK, you've rumbled me: I made a word up. I was looking for the goose equivalent of bovine, ursine, porcine, equine, aquiline and so on. In other words, 'of, or relating to, the goose'. Apparently, there is no such word, so I made one up, using the subfamily name for geese and swans, Anserinae. Given that 'bovine' comes from the subfamily name Bovinae, I felt that there was a good etymological precedent. In my defence, there should be a word Anserine.
by bsag @ 23/12/2007 2:59 pm • Permalink •
5
Clearly Bsag you thought you had strayed into the world of the master wordsmith, Alan Coren, and were taking part in a game of "Call My Bluff", whereas you had, in fact, come up with a real word, and given the Bluffers description, hence my remarks about dipeptides..............
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anserine
by Jonathan Briggs @ 23/12/2007 3:56 pm • Permalink •
6
Clearly, Mr. Briggs, you give me no credit for the depth of my wikipedia-fu. When I decided when writing my article that if Bovinae == bovine, then Anserinae == anserine, I looked said word up to see if I was correct, and was surprised to find (as you did) that it referred to a dipeptide, not 'of, or relating to, the goose'. I still maintain that I made the word up: the fact that the word exists and points to something else entirely is neither here nor there.
by bsag @ 23/12/2007 6:29 pm • Permalink •
7
In that case I'll stop mixing the face cream...........
by Jonathan Briggs @ 23/12/2007 7:28 pm • Permalink •
8
There is no such word...?
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/anserine
by Lighty @ 23/12/2007 11:17 pm • Permalink •
9
A few things I was a little iffy about; I'm not sure about eating a wafer redolent of babies, brings Herod to mind somehow. As a lifelong non-smoker something tasting like the smell of pipe tobacco isn't all that appealing either.
I was intrigued as to how he managed to get the welcoming glass of wine to be divided vertically into hot and cold. Unfortunate that was the one thing he didn't tell us about.
by Keith Scholes @ 24/12/2007 4:44 pm • Permalink •
10
Wow thanks! I’m a regular reader and enjoy your work. Keep it up!
by Timon @ 26/12/2007 10:06 pm • Permalink •
11
Personally, I think Heston Blumenthal is an epic bell-end, but that's neither here nor there either. I'm not into the entire "molecular gastronomy" thing, although fair play, the guy's making plenty of money out of it.
[There's a phrase here involving money and old rope, but it's escaping me for the moment]
Still, his failing to handle the goose properly sounds hilarious...
by Lyle @ 27/12/2007 11:34 am • Permalink •
12
I'm with bsag on the issue of anserine. Perfectly logical and she invented it.
Don't understand why DB had ot fly to Siberia though for reindeer milk, they grow reindeer in Norway, Sweden and Finland too, much closer.
Having now googled I was surprised to find at dictionary.com (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/anserine)
–adjective 1. of or pertaining to the subfamily Anserinae, of the family Anatidae, comprising the true geese.
2. resembling a goose; gooselike.
3. stupid; foolish; silly.
Also, an·ser·ous.
[Origin: 1830–40; < L anserīnus of, pertaining to geese, equiv. to anser goose + -īnus -ine1] Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.
by Neil Murphy @ 20/01/2008 4:40 pm • Permalink •
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