I’m convinced that my IQ is about 50 in the first 15 minutes or so after I’ve woken up. I think that it’s partly to do with getting up before 6am (I’m less dopey if I get up an hour or more later), but whatever the reason, I’m a bit of a danger to myself and others until I’ve had time to give my brain a bit of choke and start up properly without spluttering and backfiring.

This morning’s piece of ‘Idiocy Upon Waking’ concerned an invisible plaster—the type with a transparent sticky part, and a flesh coloured antiseptic pad. I’d put it on a huge blister the previous night (the result of a mosquito bite gone bad), but when I woke up, I could see blood where the blister was. Thinking that the blood had seeped through the antiseptic pad, I tried to peel the plaster off, poking the wound clumsily a couple of times. It took a good few minutes for the realisation to dawn (painfully slowly) that there wasn’t in fact an incredibly effective invisible plaster on my ankle, but no plaster at all. Not wanting Mr. Bsag to wake up and find a manky used plaster in the bed, I then had to rummage around under the bedclothes—trying not to wake him—to retrieve the invisible blighter.

I’ve had it with invisible plasters—next time I’m going to get some of those blue catering plasters and avoid this kind of shenanigans.