Conversation editing
I don’t want to give the impression that I make a habit of eavesdropping on other people’s conversations, but there are a few people whose loud conversations in quiet places make me want to get out a red editorial pencil and make lots of those proof-reading deletion marks. I’m no Dorothy Parker, but I try to keep my mouth shut if I’ve got nothing interesting to say (obviously, my blog is exempt from this rule, and I blether on about all kinds of nonsense). However, I’ve noticed a tendency for some people to report very dull events in excruciating detail.
I had the dubious pleasure of overhearing a conversation like this on the train. The events in question could have been summed up as follows: “My washing machine broke down at the weekend, so I phoned my Mum and she offered to wash my laundry for me.” A fairly straightforward story, you might think. But no, in the mouth of a ‘conversation extender’ it can be made to last for at least 15 minutes1 by relating every word of the conversation in real time. “So I said, ‘Really?’, and she said, ‘Yeah’, and I said, ‘OK then’…”. In other words, it was the three-hour Director’s Cut of the event.
As I got up to get off I couldn’t resist sneaking a look at her (suspiciously quiet) interlocutor, to see if she had literally died of boredom. She hadn’t, but she did have a distinctly glazed look about her.
1 She was still going as I got off the train, so it could have been a lot longer for all I know. â
1
We overheard a comment that had the opposite effect, in the waiting area at the local eye clinic, "my doctor says I have a detached rectum". Silence (until we got outside!)----- > Iâve noticed a tendency for some people to report very dull events in excruciating detail
Hint taken - I'll mend my ways :-(
by Em³ @ 19/01/2006 7:01 pm • Permalink •
2
Alison once overheard (whether she wanted to or not) one half of a mobile phone conversation on the train, which went something like this:
"She's not pregnant, is she? She isn't! Is it a secret?"
You felt like the whole carriage wanted to shout, "It isn't now."
by tony @ 19/01/2006 8:01 pm • Permalink •
3
The biter can be bit if they interpose:
Me at the meat counter: "Two pork chops please"
Butcher: "Do you want me to trim the fat off?"
Passing Militant Vegetarian, loudly: "You shouldn't eat meat!"
Me: "Then why has nature provided me with canines and incisors then?"
She, even more loudly: "You shouldn't eat anything with a face!"
Me: "So roast clock's off the menu then......."
Silence.
Do militants have their sense of humour removed at birth?
by Jonathan Briggs @ 19/01/2006 8:02 pm • Permalink •
4
omg. What a way to start my day, laughing so hard. It occurs to me that reading your blog and the comments is rather like overhearing a conversation, but one that I enjoy immensely. Blether on!
by Jeannine @ 20/01/2006 1:01 pm • Permalink •
5
I was just imagining the Director's Cut of this conversation is available with a commentary by the participants? "At this point you will notice me shifting uncomfortably in my seat. I had just stopped counting telegraph poles (1029 at that point) that were passing by, and was starting to wonder if I could repress a fart that was building up." etc. etc.
by ThoughtBadger @ 20/01/2006 1:01 pm • Permalink •
6
Marrying an American it took some time to get her to not talk an audible volume about private issues ("you know you need to work at it" being a common one early on). She did of course tell me that a) she didn't care if someone overheard us and that b) she did it to watch me blush, but after a few requests she ceased. The mention that "some day one of these people could be interviewing me for a job" helped. Instead I get the comments in front of family members
That said, it can be amusing to overhear a few snippets while walking around.
by Damien @ 20/01/2006 3:01 pm • Permalink •
7
Consider yourself the witness to a dying practice; ie. a conversation(or even a monologue) on public transport between two visible participants. At one time the human silence on the stockholm subway was so scary that I had to continually reassure foreign visitors that it was NOT against the law to talk or, on occasion of dire need, to even laugh while traveling. Nowadays the subway cars are filled with the sound of a loud and continual nattering vocal irrelevencies, however no one is talking to anyone who is actually physically present. Sweden is truly scary at times. On my worst days in the subway (tube?) I also talk out loud, fervently, but I´m praying for the return of a wrathful Jehovah just to put an end to the absurdity of this society. On my good days I just call up my wife and ask her if I should buy one milk or two.
by john(jc.) @ 21/01/2006 11:02 am • Permalink •
8
Julian: Hehe
That's a classic worthy of Victoria Wood or Alan Bennett.
Em3: I wasn't pointing at you!
tony: Yes, it always amazes me that people have such personal conversations at such great volume in public spaces.
Jonathan Briggs: Hehe. I'm a veggie (sort of), but not a militant one, you'll be pleased to hear.
Jeannine: Thanks!
ThoughtBadger: That's excellent! And it would probably be about as interesting as most of the director's commentaries they have on DVDs.
Damien: Poor you
john(j.c.): I'm not against conversation on public transport at all, it was just that this one baffled me.
by bsag @ 23/01/2006 6:02 pm • Permalink •
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